The Healing I Didn't Understand

The Healing I Didn't Understand

Tomorrow in our Easter worship services, we will sing of the healing power of His blood, we will read scriptures from Isaiah about His wounds of healing. I’ll sit in the pew and wonder to myself silently why those wounds did not heal my dad from cancer and why they didn’t heal my sister from epilepsy. Tomorrow they will be soft thoughts that I ponder only for a second but they will exist as questions I’ve resolved not to know the answers to. Three and four years ago, however, they were thoughts that were screaming with agony. 

One of the most consistent things I thought of after my dad passed was how my dad was a faithful man of God. It really couldn’t have crossed my mind that God would allow him to die simply because my dad would’ve shouted from the mountain tops the glory and grace of God for healing him. When the doctors told us the fateful news, I couldn’t have been more shocked. 

When God did not heal my family, it made simple prayers to Him almost impossible for me and celebrating Holy Week? Forget it! I wasn’t celebrating Hosanna when He did nothing to heal my dad, sister, and grandfathers. I sat in my anger, denial, and depression and bargained with the facts to try to find a better solution than the one I was given and I was no where near accepting the truth of the matter. 

Over time, as my relationship with God has redeveloped and gotten stronger through the pain, I’ve come to realize that God doesn’t actually owe me anything. My sins separated me from His love and had he not bore my sins on a cross, they would still have me separated from my Savior. God’s gentle voice has slowly taught me that Christ died on a cross so that we could be healed in eternity. 

So while I wept for my family who suffered on earth and questioned God’s true healing capabilities, I can recognize now that the healing still took place… It took place with my dad, with my sister, with my grandfathers. They are healed for eternity. The New Testament shares how we will be given new bodies in Heaven, new and perfect bodies! No cancer, no epilepsy, no flaws. There is hope beyond the grave because of the blood of Jesus. 

I can also recognize the stark difference between gentle thoughts to one’s self of doubt or not understand versus one’s full of agony, anger, and defeat. Healing isn’t always an outward transformation, like healing one’s body from cancer. His blood was shed so we can be washed from the inside too. For me, I have the opportunity to look back and see my dad and sister and grandfathers are healed in eternity with new bodies and I have been washed from the inside. Holy Week looks different when you’re healed, and healing looks different than you may think.