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How I went from my lowest of lows to becoming a better women and healing my soul.

1. Rid your circle of toxic people

One of the best things I did for myself was let those draining friendships go. While it was very difficult to finally set boundaries in place to people that I had let walk all over me for so long; it was so worth in the long run.

I didn't realize how much was being sucked out of me by those relationships until several months later when I felt more free to be myself instead of hiding who I really was inside.

The hardest part of this for me was dealing with the condemnation I felt for removing certain people from my life. It took me a while to realize that that wasn't of God.

God doesn't choose sides, or pick one friend over another. With this understanding I know that those friendships weren't all bad. Those people are not bad people. I just could not propel to the place I am today with them still in my life, and therefore shouldn't feel guilty for setting myself up for success.

I learned this the hard way but, not everyone is meant to be your friend. And definitely not everyone is meant to be in your circle. But after taking charge of my friend group I became a much more joyful and peaceful person.

2. Change Your Environment 

A change in scenery can be really beneficial to the soul and I'm not just talking about taking a day off, weekend trip, or vacation. Although all of those things can defiantly help you gain some clarity you might need to take a some bigger actions.

You might need to take that leap of faith to quit the job that doesn't appreciate you. Move to a new area that fits you needs better. Start that company you've been dreaming about since you were a kid.

Quitting my old job was such a game changer for me. It was the absolute hardest decision I've ever had to make in my life. I loved the people I worked with and I loved the community I was serving. But the overall environment, for me, was extremely toxic.

I was constantly worried about two things: money and image. How was I going to pay my bills? How was I going to plan for my future? How would be people perceive me? Did people like me? I was consumed with these heavy and stressful thougths day and night. I knew I needed to leave for the longest time but stuck around hoping it would get better.

It's not to say that this was a horrible workplace, just not a good fit for me and it was time for me to move on to what God was calling me to.

3. Physical Activity 

My relationship with my body has been toxic in its own. I haven't taken care of her, I've made fun of her, I've even hated her. Because I had been under so much stress mentally and I wasn't taking any time for myself; my body suffered the consequences.

I became so ashamed about my appearance that I didn't want to leave the safety of my home. Going out seemed like the biggest chore and it didn't matter what I wore I felt uncomfortable in it.

Dedicating time to work on my physical health not only helped me work through my depression but gave me so much more convidence in who God made me to be.

By setting aside a few hours a week to just work soley on me, I gained a new perspective of who I truly was. It allows me time to work out my aggressions, think in solitude, and really envision the life I want to live from now on. By taking the time to focus on what I'm putting into my body and finding new, alternative ways to enjoy my favorite meals has actually been really fun!

I know that fitness is really a hit or miss topic for a lot of people but I really think being disciplined with it is what kick-started my journey to becoming a better women.

4. Prayer or Meditation 

When I was 20 years old I printed a bible reading plan from Pinterest and spent every night reading so many chapters of the Bible until I went from Genesis to Revelation.

I don't regret taking that time to read through the whole Bible, I actually enjoyed reading all the stories for myself instead of just hearing about them on a Sunday.

At the time, I was going through my first real breakup and I thought that if I dedicated a certain amount of time each day to God that it would help me. While that isn't completely incorrect, because spending time with God is never a waste of time. I realized that I wasn't spending time with God just because I wanted to. I was doing it because I wanted to gain something out of it.

God wants to give us things. He wants to bless us and give us those little nuggets people call "getting a word." But God also just wants to spend time with us. By learning that I didn't have to follow a guidline for my quiet time really freed me.

Religion had made me think that having a relaitonship with God was hard. That it wasn't a good day unless I recieved a big revalation from God or witnessed to someone. But allowing myself to pray and meditate on His word with no stipulations attached really freed my soul.

5. Watch Your Thoughts

You may have heard the saying:

“Watch your thoughts; for they become words. Watch your words; for they become actions. Watch your actions; for they become habits. Watch your habits; for they become character. Watch your character for it will become your destiny.”

How incredibly true are those words?! Everything you become starts with a thought. If you think you are a failure, will end up alone, and never amount to anything then guess what? You will become those things.

Maybe it's not a thought that you orginiated but it began with something that was said to you. Or it stems from the way someone made you feel. While things from our past, sole ties, and generational curses can have a negative affect on us. We are still responsible for the things we let sit and fester in our mind.

Don't let you mind bully you, and don't let bitterness and doubt live there rent free.

When I started taking my thoughts captive about who I was, I began to really see a change in the way I viewed myself.

6. Do Little Things For Yourself

When I was at my lowest point I was doing absolutely nothing for myself. Everyday I was finding new ways to be a people pleaser. And while doing things for others is never a bad thing it can be very draining after a while.

If someone were to ask me what did I do for fun or what was something that made me happy; I wouldn't have an answer for them. I started to realize how big of a problem that was. I didn't have an idenity outside of working and doing things for others.

The process to find those things that made me happy took way longer than I thought. And I'm still learning new things about myself. But by setting aside time to do things that make me happy, drastically improved my self esteem and my outlook on life.

I can still go out of my way to do things for others but with the actually energy and desire to do so. Now when people ask me what I like to do for fun I have something to tell them! Because I've taken the time to be alone with myself and get to know me better.

I know I love to read and find literary elements in films. I love spending quality time with my family and close friends. I love planning and putting together different forms of art. And I love talking with people to hear their stories. So many things I never knew about myself until recently and look how much healthier I am that I actaully sat down with myself and showed myself the attention I needed.

7. Stop Caring What People Think

This was the biggest game changer for me was to stop caring if people liked me or not. I used to always care what people thought about me. I was so afraid that people weren't going to like me, that I would say or do the wrong thing. I would go out and waste money buying the trendist stuff just to impress people and fit in.

If a friend or someone outside the church environment I was in didn't like me I learned to cope with it but if a Christian didn't like me I would really let it bother me.

At one point I just realized that I didn't have to spend my time trying to impress people and I stopped giving those people that power over me. I learned that there was only a handful of opinions I needed to worry myself with and the top two opinions were my own and Gods. 

As long as I could lay my head down at night and know that I was pleased with myself and God was pleased with me for following the personal convictions He gave me, it didn't matter who approved or disapproved of my lifestyle.

Jesus even talks about when someone rejects you to dust the dirt off your feet and keep on walking. After adapting this mentality it really opened up a lot of doors for me to begin working in what I felt God calling me to.

8. Enjoy The Process

And lastly, enjoy the process. You are working on becoming a better you. It won't all happen over night and that is OKAY! Enjoy the day to day, celebrate your big victories and celebrate your small ones!

The journey you are on to become a better you in a life long journey! You will experience so many different things while going through this process. You will have extreme highs and extreme lows. Don't neglect any emotions you may feel. Take the time to allow yourself to process those emotions before moving on or suppressing them down.

If you need to cry, cry. If you need a good laugh, then laugh. If you need a break from the world, then take one. If you want to dive in deep into work or family things, then do it. Don't hold yourself back.

You have to find the things that work for you, there might be things on this list that you feel like you could do without or maybe this has inspired you to think of some new ideas to improve yourself. Don't be afraid to try out those things.

Don't give up on yourself. You deserve to be the best version of yourself that you can be!



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